My family and I have just discovered the greatest weight loss diet on the market. Collectively, we lost at least 20 pounds while laying around in bed. All this in just three days! Yes, I said three days!
What is this diet and how much does it cost? It is known as the gastrointestinal virus. Yes, it can cost you an insurance copay for taking your kids to the doctor to be told it is a virus but that is entirely different story.
Other than that, the diet is free and you even get days off of work. The benefits of the weight loss diet are endless. You are looking at spending hours and hours of time with your family laying in bed. You get to become closer as a family unit. How can a family not come close after cleaning up after one another and smelling the same stinky clothes for three days? Yes, I said three days!
So I know you are asking-how can I get one of those gastrointestinal viruses so I too can lose weight, grow closer with my family and get days off of work? Well, you are in luck because I have retraced my steps and have some tips for you to use as your very own in hopes that you too can be so lucky to catch a gastrointestinal virus.
Hang out in the church nursery.
Kids carry germs like nobody in the world. It shouldn't take much. They never cover their mouth when they sneeze or cough. I have gone home countless times with all kinds of bodily functions on me from leaky diapers to snotty substances. Extra tip: always volunteer to calm down the upset child-they are sure to snot on you.
Eat out at all of the restaurants
My father was just in town and wanted to eat out at all these new restaurants because they don't have them in the small town in which he lives. I am not saying restaurants are bad, but in some cases they can be breeding grounds for the virus. You have a dirty waiter or undercooked meat and you are set with the diet virus.
Hang out at the community pool
My goodness, this last week at our pool-I kid you not there was dirty underwear on the deck. The bathroom is always an adventure trying to get through the wet floors, soggy toilet paper and dirty diapers stacked in the stall. A mom's worse nightmare when you are in the process of potty training, but for those hoping for this new diet-it is a match made in heaven!
So get going, the summer is almost gone and you don't want to cut into your kids school time! For those who are offended by this article, it is just a little glimpse into my life over the past three days! I don't mean to offend.
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